thrintum@rocketmail.com wrote this in the thread A Naive Goffgirl Grows
Up? in alt.gothic and it really struck a chord with me. It was on the
subject of finding friends.


>Now, as to finding the right ones, without getting the creeps, well...
>
>In this world. I think, it's necessary that you be *honest* about stuff,
>(People in particular.) and *not* view them through rose colored glasses.
>If you take the time to actually *look* at people, to figure them out, and
>what makes them tick, you're *far* less likely to get burnt.  However,
>there's a big part of us that wants so badly to have friends, and to see
>those that *do* approach us in the best light, that frequently we wind up
>overlooking what should be obvious flaws or, if we *do* see them, of
>rationalizing them away, because we *want* to believe in that person.  Try
>to avoid doing that if you can.
>
>There are a number of other signs to look for, but being honest with
>yourself about people, is your best bet.  Among the others:
>
>-Watch for "sudden* friends.  People who suddenly become your best friend in
>the whole wide world when they actually hardly know you.  Real friendship
>takes time, and real bonds take time to build.  Someone who becomes your
>best friend over night, may not be there next week.
>
>-Watch for "drama queens".  (Of either sex.)  People with a lot of "drama"
>in their lives are likely *not* going to be the sort of steady, long term
>friends that you really need.  And likely, if there's drama, *you* are
>likely to wind up getting sucked into it eventually, and usually sooner than
>later.
>
>-Watch their other friends.  Are they able to *keep* friends, or are the
>people that they were friends with last month their enemies now?  Everyone
>can have fallings out with friends or groups of friends, but is it a rare
>thing, or is it an everyday occurrence with them?  (This actually goes along
>with the "drama" thing.)
>
>-Think about just *why* they like you.  Is it because you're giving them
>rides?  Is it because you're propping them up everytime they fuck up? Is it
>because they want to be around your friends?  What's the bond?  In
>actuality, your best bet is if it's "I dunno, we just get along.  They're
>nice, and they're always there for me if I need them."
>
>Anyway, there's more, but I'm sure you get the idea.