From kerriko@soda.csua.berkeley.edu Sat May 8 16:23:15 1999 Date: 11 Jan 1995 20:54:00 GMT From: kerriko Newsgroups: alt.gothic Subject: Re: -=HEROIN=- Blackjack, Echo, Blackjack, Echo: >>> Yeah, maybe your life is better as an addict. Simpler, anyway. Your only >>> concern is getting more junk. You don't have to worry yourself with >>> trivial things like love, friendship, and trust. >>> >>> Blackjack > > >On behalf of the net.folks who use heroin (and who are perfectly > >capable of defending themselves), WATCH IT. Don't launch such bitter > >words at people who had nothing to do with your experience. > > I didn't bring up the subject. I'm just expressing my opinion. You don't > have to listen. You're right. I could have stuck my thumbs in my ears, or killfiled you. To what end? I didn't say you brought up the subject. I warned you that you were wrong to blame heroin users for what one (or hell, *twelve*) "did" to you or to people you know. You have a fifty-fifty chance of being shafted by *non* addicts; the same idea applies here. > >Everyone has his/her cross to bear; some have chosen heroin. I too have > >lost some fine friends (one this very New Year's Eve) to overdoses, and > >it's a shame, but there's no use in abusing other addicts over your > >loss. > > Especially considering that they have chosen one of the most effective ways > of abusing themselves and those around them. Look, if I see someone > touting the merits of shutting down there dopamine system, I'm going to > yell at them and tell them they are being stupid. Because it isn't a cross > the ADDICT has to bear. It's a cross the addict's friends and family have > to bear. It's selfish and immature. If you want to die, if you hate > yourself so much, put a bullet in your head. Don't drag your loved ones > down with you. I see what you're saying but I'll still disagree. You could have said "it isn't a cross ONLY the addict has to bear." The addict has chosen the addiction, and loved ones have a choice whether to deal with it by crying, shouting, or understanding (as best they can). IME, crying and shouting don't work, and they require unnecessary effort. Selfishness is a circular accusation. By saying the addict is selfish, you are denying his/her right to satisfy his/her own needs and desires. You are demanding that he/she satisfy yours. By that token, your own accusation is selfish. I'm not sure heroin usage (or any other, for that matter) has anything to do with hatred or immaturity. The addicts I've known were some of the sweetest, most generous, most sensitive folk I've come across on this planet. My best friend was terminally shy, and kind-hearted. I watched his friends and family weep at him, rage, threaten, issue ultimatums. None of these things worked, and I (as his sole housemate) decided I would acknowledge his addiction and try to approach it with some sensibility. In this particular case, and I can't speak for any other, what he wanted was for someone to see him for what he was. When he died, I was crushed (but not surprised, disappointed, angry, etc.). My parents, having first known him as an honourable human being, were surprised but not judgmental when I revealed his addiction. People who'd never met David gave me a lot of flack when the news got out that I'd been "living with a junkie", they thought I had set myself up for trouble. They were quickly silenced by closer friends, who understood my loss, who were sympathetic to the fact that David was much more than just a junkie. David and I learned a lot of things from each other while he was alive. He OD'd three times in my presence and had enough respect for our friendship to be ashamed that he'd put me in a bad and frightening position. I had enough respect for our friendship to not pass judgment on him for being an addict, and simply asked him what I should know, if it happened again. Like, should I call 911, or did he just want me to let him go. Some good people have fatal addictions. With luck and a little intelligence, you may learn that they aren't out to fuck you, and they aren't necessarily untrustworthy. David never stole from anyone, and he managed two apartment buildings, for fuck's sake. He was not a normal person by any means (his art and conversations prove that) but he *was* responsible, caring, and kind. I'm not saying you should go out and enable all your addicted friends. Some argued that I enabled David, and I was coldly received by certain people at his memorial (in my own home). I may be far from the mark here, but I think the best way to deal with a friend's addiction is to *communicate* with said friend, and find out what triggers their usage, and above all, *hear* what they have to say. It is wholly unfair to see only the junkie side of someone. Humans are multi-faceted creatures, and unless your friend is high 24/7, I'm sure there is still a large part of him/her that you could trust with your *life*. If the person was untrustworthy to begin with, well then. You can't bash addicts so generally, Blackjack. There may be common traits but the only ones I've seen are these: Heroin users are pretty sensitive people. They *can* live normal lives while using heroin. They don't always nod when they're high. Unfortunately, a lot of them wind up leaving the planet long before we'd like them to. I would love to understand the addict's motivations and inner workings. I don't think it's fair to say that every addict loves heroin more than he/she loves you. It might be true, or might be a tough call. I can say with conviction that David loved everyone when he was clean, and had a lot of guilt when he wasn't. What I got from what you said earlier, was that heroin addicts are remorseless and selfish, and I simply, vehemently, disagree. I think such statements imply a measure of denial and ignorance, but don't take that personally. All I'm saying is perhaps you should make an effort to empathize with your addicted friend(s) more expansively. It isn't as difficult as some people think. If you lose a friend to a drug-related death, or any other for that matter, isn't it better, karmically, to acknowledge their passing in a positive way? I didn't expect David to die so soon, but he went the way he wanted to, and I think he had a choice (to OD and survive, to OD and expire). Those of us who knew him well, know that he is freed of his addiction and his guilt, and he is in a far better place now. Echo, who tries to deal with people on a soul-to-soul level. ** There is a strange and possibly reincarnative coincidence tied to this ** story but I'll spare you (for now). ;)