From lovcraft@mail.hvs.com Thu Apr 29 01:52:20 1999 Date: 12 Oct 1997 01:47:01 -0700 From: Pariah Newsgroups: alt.gothic Subject: I just couldn't stay away I had an epiphany today. I didn't think things like that really happened, but lo and behold: I spoke to my ex fiancée today. (my recent problems with my ex are fairly well documented, so I won't go very far into that) I told her everything that was on my mind. I told her that I still loved her. I told her that I missed her and that I wanted her back. I told her that I would do anything she asked, make any effort necessary (yeah, I know. Pathetic.) She tried to dissuade me from feeling that way.she l the reasons that an attempt to rekindle our relationship wouldn't work. She told me how complicated it would be. When she saw that this wasn't working, she finally said the words I had been waiting to hear. "I don't want you as anything more than a friend." I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my chest. I realized, right there, that I had been living in her shadow these past few months. I was harboring the illusion that her feelings hadn't changed, that some outside force had come between us. This made me think that there was something that I could do to change the situation, some obstacle that I could overcome. (I'm not expressing this very well.) But that wasn't the case. She just didn't want to be with me. I can live with that. In a strange way I feel free, almost like I'm a new person. Never again will I compare a potential female to 'her'. Never again will I avoid potential romantic avenues for the fear of what might happen should 'she' want me back. I'm going to go out tonight and have fun. I'm going to flirt shamelessly and ruthlessly with every female I see,(OK, not *every* female) but most of all, I'm going to do something that I haven't done in awhile: I'm going to live. -- There are no innocent bystanders, only wasted ammo. Pariah http://www.primenet.com/~bkern Oh, yeah. I'm back-n-stuff.